The Essence of a "Soul Friend": Mutuality

Another key aspect of heart-friendship, as conceived by the early Celtic missionaries, was mutuality. This shows itself in two principal ways.

First, the sharing of common values. The Celtic fathers and mothers, even a century apart, had a common vision of reality. They also seem on occasions to have received common intuitions - especially when it came to sensing the potential of future leaders. When Ciaran went to the island of Aran to visit his friend Enda, they both saw the same spiritual vision of a fruitful tree growing by a stream in the centre of Ireland, protecting the whole land. They both interpreted it the same way, too: that Ciaran would become that great tree and should found his monastery in the very centre of Ireland.

What shines clearly from the written lives of the Celtic saints is the profound respect which they showed for each other's wisdom and guidance - despite age or gender differences. They genuinely saw each brother or sister as a potential source of many blessings from God. The biographies often convey this symbolically, through the gesture of giving gifts. Although they lived poor, special gifts conveyed profound respect and mutuality: a ring, a bell, a hand-made wooden box, or maybe a horse.

In our day, where western society carries almost toxic levels of suspicion where any heart-closeness is concerned - especially same-gender and cross-generational, these examples are a poignant reminder of what has gone missing. Who will be courageous and humble enough to pioneer such mutuality today?

The Essence of a "Soul Friend": Affection

In his article, 'Early Celtic Soul Friendship', Edward Sellner demonstrates that in 6th century Ireland, all the movers and shakers of Celtic Christianity had their "soul friends" (in Gaelic: anamchara), and were in turn "soul friends" to others. The biographies of these saints 'reveal how common soul-friend relationships were between men and men, women and women, and women and men.'

Pride of place must go to Finnian (470-549), founder of the great monastery at Clonard in County Meath, where it is said that up to 3,000 pupils came to sit at his feet when he expounded the scriptures. If St Patrick had been the pioneer, Finnian was the father of the church in Ireland. 'It was he who tutored and acted as a spiritual guide to so many of the early founders of the other large monasteries, such as Columcille [Columba] of Iona and Ciaran of Clonmacnoise.'

Finnian genuinely loved his disciples. In his letters to Ciaran, he would call him 'dear one' and 'o little heart', always adding a personal blessing.

In some cases, these deep, mentoring relationships came about through a disciple choosing a master, but in the case of Kevin of Glendalough, he was entrusted as a child to the wise care of three monks who became as dear as fathers to him.

Kevin and Ciaran were true heart-friends. When Ciaran lay dying, he refused to let go on life until Kevin had come. When Kevin came, the two spent many hours in loving conversation, then shared Communion together. Ciaran blessed Kevin and gave him a little bell as a sign of their lasting unity. Then he died.

Women had these relationships, too, and not just among women. Ite (or Ita), abbess of Killeedy in County Limerick, was mentor to so many male leaders that she is known as "the Fostermother of the Saints". She was especially close to Brendan, sometimes called 'the Navigator' because of his voyages. Their biographers record how Brendan would smile warmly whenever he thought of Ita, many miles away; and how Ita would feel the slow drag of time whenever Brendan was away. And in the 8th century "Liber Angeli" we read: Between Patrick and Brigid, pillars of the Irish, there existed so great a friendship of charity that they were of one heart and one mind.